Posted by: megaschwez | March 29, 2010

Aufwiedersehen to the Hausfrau Blues

So I’ve been on hiatus. Turns out, I’m not a hausfrau anymore!

It was all just one big misunderstanding. No one informed me that english-speaking expats in non-english-speaking countries are in fact able – nay, expected – to choose from a wide range of jobs, including:

  • English Teacher,
  • English Trainer, or
  • English Private Tutor.

Who knew?!
After careful consideration, I decided to teach English to both very small people in a kindergarten, and adult people. The small people are more fun – they give you more hugs, laugh at your jokes more often and usually do what they’re told when bribed with Pez. However, they tend to climb on tables at regular intervals, and also you come into contact with a greater quantity of bodily fluids than in the adult classes. Life is about compromise.

So, I’ve been concentrating on teaching the classics to my kindergartners in their weekly 4.5 hours of English, that noblest of languages. By classics, I mean less Pride and Prejudice than Heads and Shoulders, Knees and Toes, which includes the lesser-known verse ‘eyes and ears and mouth and nose’. Now, they say that teaching others holds a mirror up to your soul. In this case, it brandishes a dictophone and plays it back at full, horrifying volume. Turns out that I have transformed my class of little Austrians into a pack of tiny aussie bogans. To wit:

Me: what are these? (points to eyes)
Tinies (in the manner of Steve Irwin): Oies
Me: and what are these? (points to ears)
Tinies: eeys
Me: and this? (points to nose)
Tinies: nouz
Me: *slaps forehead*

I am expecting them to come out with ‘a dingo stole my baby’ any day now.

aussie bogan displaying spectacular flannel shirt and mullet

Fig 1: Sample future yearbook photo


  1. You’ve RUINED a whole generation of little-ies …. Bless you.

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