2. Aperol Spritzers
Let’s take apart this concept and reduce it to its constituent parts. Firstly, uniting wine and mineral water was an idea vastly superior, I would argue, to even the uniting of horse and carriage, loaves and fishes, and Adam and Eve. As, let’s be honest, none of those really turned out so well.
Most bar staff in ye olde English-speaking landes are not so familiar with the wine + mineral water = spritzer equation. Which explains why, in an Australian bar, one can get inebriated faster than one can say ‘two chardonnays thanks’, since every trip to the bar yields at least one glass of undiluted alcohol. Our European cousins, by championing the lighter, more economical spritzer, have invented a way to drink more and pay less. I can’t think of anything less unAustralian.
Secondly, allow me introduce, to the uninitiated, the marvellous, ruby orange substance known as Aperol. A little bit like Campari, but with less grapefruit aftertaste, and with the added bonus that you do not have to wear your collar up to drink it.
Add to aforementioned spritzer, and you have a drink that
a) originated in Italy, so, like Ferrari, the mafia, and making out in a gondola, it must be intriguing
b) allows you to delay the point of complete inebriation by at least three or four glasses
by which time you’ve hopefully realised that your drinking companions are, as you suspected before you were tipsy, not that interesting. In turn prompting a quick, gracious exit, unmarred by leaving either your keys or your virginity in the taxi cab.